In these years of gene manipulated vegetables I still prefer the old ways of crossbreeding and natural selection. However, I have always found the practice introduced by Mendel and later followed by Michurin rather tedious and even boring. It is only natural, therefore, that the method that I have developed minimizes actual work in the garden (or lab) and is basically restricted to selecting suitable specimens from grocery bags taken home from the supermarket. As expected of a real scientist, I have carefully documented my investigations in the field. Unfortunately my wife has mistakenly discarded the sheet of paper containing my notes. So I can only present a few examples which have survived both the last house-cleaning and the last crash of my Winchester.
Sexpotato of Willendorf
This natural wonder of Austrian origin needs little if any explanation.
Etymological notes: See also the Ober-Austrian word "Schwarzenegger" for "pertaining to or characteristic of black eggs and huge muscles adored in California" as well as the Austro-Hungarian expression "Kolumbusz tojása" (cf. the French equivalent "l'œuf de Colomb") meaning "a simple but dirty trick to make an egg stand still on its end" or—in order for the rest of the educated world to understand—"to undo the Gordian knot by the cunning but illicit use of a sharp object".
This African hybrid vegetable is distinguished by its large tolerance of ground water, a highly appreciated property in countries where agriculture is only possible in flood plains of rivers. Also, its proteins are just as rich in essential amino acids as those coming from animals. However, excessive consumption of the vegetable often leads to obesity and/or compulsive reading of poems by Ronald W. Hull.
Wait a minute! I have just realized that someone has "borrowed" it from my garden without asking me. Maybe I will have to raise that fence...
Tom-thum'atoThis thumb-sized English-Norwegian breed of non-vegetable is a close relative of the "Human Bean" invented by Roald Dahl, one of the greatest experts in Creative Gardening.
One of his most famous books (published by Kindergardenverlag zu Hausen), "The Bible For Gardeners", is simply called "The BFG"' by enthusiasts.
Tom-thum'atoes are best when served raw and decorated with cloves for eyes.
According to a Buddhist legend, the young Gautama Siddhartha, was once
sitting at the Ganges munching on an orange while watching a kissing gourami
(Helostoma temmincki) building a foam nest in the holy river
for his offspring. Absorbed in his thoughts, Gautama was absent-mindedly
spitting the orange seeds into the nest and the fish took care of them
as if they'd been his own.
This strange vegetable is believed to be an endemic species that can
only be found in the vicinity of Rosswell, New Mexico. It prefers arid
and hot environment. When raised in colder climate—see, e.g., the
specimen in the picture—it develops a cold-resistant bulky tissue
on its top similar to the head-gears of Cossacks or the bearskins of guardsmen,
which protects the plant from the frost.
Vissza Nagy Sándor honlapjára.